Election season is upon us, so in the spirit of debate, let’s get down to business: Which Real Housewives is the best on TV right now?
We’re sifting through every current series in the iconic franchise and ranking their most recent completed seasons from worst to best, based on the following criteria:
🍸 Fashion, which is not necessarily to mean good or bad fashion — though it can — but also memorable, iconic fashion that left our mouths agape.
🍸 Meme-ability, or in other words, how much has the series infiltrated internet culture, and does it generate imagery fit for a quippy caption?
🍸 Shade-throwing, which celebrates those with the gift for shady gab.
🍸 Activities That Make Us Feel Poor, which considers the sound baths, spa retreats and lavish dinner parties we’ll never attend.
🍸 Husbands/Wives, which rewards a franchise for outstanding significant others.
🍸 Yap-ability, meaning how much time do we spend in a given hour, on a given day, yapping about this series?
Each category has received an official martini ranking out of five — with one martini being the least intoxicating and five martinis being the most intoxicating. With those parameters in place, we’ve scientifically determined the very best Real Housewives offshoot. (The martini system does not lie.) So get scrolling to find out which series came out on top!
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK (Season 14)
CAST: Ubah Hassan, Jessel Taank, Jenna Lyons, Brynn Whitfield, Erin Lichy and Sai De Silva
FASHION: 🍸🍸 (2/5)
Honestly, the fresh faces of the RHONY reboot are simply too chic to earn a high fashion score. Jenna throwing a khaki party is pretty much all you need to know, here. We want glitter, camp, feathers! Give us Jovani!MEME-ABILITY: 🍸 (1/5)
I mean, can you think of a single RHONY Season 14 meme?SHADE THROWING: 🍸 (1/5)
Erin and Brynn try so hard — but, no.ACTIVITIES THAT MAKE US FEEL POOR: 🍸🍸🍸 (3/5)
Watching anyone live in New York City on TV is likely always going to make us feel pretty poor, regardless of the kinds of activities they’re actually engaging in.HUSBANDS/WIVES: 🍸 (1/5)
Mostly, where were they?YAP-ABILITY: 🍸🍸 (2/5)
You couldn’t really catch us yapping about whether Sai said she hates cheese, nor whether Erin was right to prank Ubah by stealing her phone.THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY (Season 17)
CAST: Emily Simpson, Gina Kirschenheiter, Heather Dubrow, Tamra Judge, Shannon Storms Beador and Jennifer Pedranti
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There was a time when the RHOC Sky top would’ve earned endless martinis on a five-martini scale, but the women these days lack imagination. Where’s the risk? The most talked-about fashion from Season 17 was, unfortunately, Ryan’s denim jackets.MEME-ABILITY: 🍸 (1/5)
Remember, this is a power ranking. Season 9’s “That’s my opinion!” is ineligible for scoring! In Season 17, we couldn’t find any viral content.SHADE THROWING: 🍸 (1/5)
What we actually love about RHOC is the cast’s inability to eloquently throw shade. Shannon has never once articulated anything with the kind of grace or athleticism necessary to earn five martinis. So, really, a one-martini score here is kind of iconic? Like, we loved Heather calling Emily Mr. Snuffleupagus because it was just so bad.ACTIVITIES THAT MAKE US FEEL POOR: 🍸🍸 (2/5)
While a single misplaced hair on Miss Heather Dubrow’s little head can make us feel more poor than every show combined, the ladies getting down and dirty in a cast trip to Montana did result in more than a few martini deductions. And Emily drinking out of her dog’s water bowl? Be less relatable, please!HUSBANDS/WIVES: 🍸🍸 (2/5)
While we love Terry and Eddie, the RHOC men aren’t really giving. We need a Slade back in the mix — and from what we’ve seen in Season 18 so far, John Janssen might be coming to the rescue.YAP-ABILITY: 🍸🍸🍸 (3/5)
While there wasn’t a ton to latch onto in Season 17, you better believe we were yapping away about Ryan’s indiscretions — how can a d–k pic be sent by accident? Also, Gina and Emily’s friendship is always something worth yapping about.THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS (Season 13)
CAST: Annemarie Wiley, Erika Jayne, Dorit Kemsley, Kyle Richards, Garcelle Beauvais, Sutton Stracke and Crystal Minkoff
FASHION: 🍸🍸🍸🍸 (4/5)
Fashion became a full-blown Season 13 plotline thanks to Sutton’s meltdown from wearing pants — pants! — to the Magic Mike show. Some other highlights? Dorit’s reunion forehead curl and Denise’s controversial fuzzy, purple jacket.MEME-ABILITY: 🍸🍸🍸 (3/5)
Denise’s brief stint in Season 13 did fuel a pleasurable few days’ worth of memes. Her glare at Erika across the table is something worth fantasizing about on a weekly basis. We even loved Erika all season — something we normally wouldn’t admit! — and her “Merce is in the purse” scene earned plenty of virtual love.SHADE THROWING: 🍸🍸 (2/5)
Season 13 was no better than Crystal’s “ugly leather pants” when it came to throwing shade.ACTIVITIES THAT MAKE US FEEL POOR: 🍸🍸🍸🍸 (4/5)
Renting out the larger-than-life SoFi stadium for an average-sized white party was one of the most glorious things that made us feel poor in 2024. (So far!) Plus, Kyle’s alleged make-up ring got a lot of airtime — making us feel poorer and poorer with every sparkle in the light.HUSBANDS/WIVES: (0/5)
PK and Mauricio, no martinis for you!YAP-ABILITY: 🍸🍸🍸 (3/5)
As much as we don’t want to admit it, we were thrilled by Annemarie’s anesthesiology fib, Kyle’s marriage woes and Crystal’s newfound voice.THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA (Season 15)
CAST: Drew Sidora, Marlo Hampton, Sheree Whitfield, Kandi Burruss, Kenya Moore and Sanya Richards Ross
FASHION: 🍸🍸 (2/5)
Sheree’s infamous She by Sheree event wasn’t the only fashion show with no fashions — RHOA Season 15 didn’t wow when it came to style. Of course, Marlo always came prepared, but Drew’s zebra confessional look was really hard for us.MEME-ABILITY: 🍸🍸🍸 (3/5)
Drew’s live performance of her break-up song at the Season 15 reunion was worth a three-martini rating all on its own. With perfectly timed cuts to Ralph and Andy’s reactions, we couldn’t wait to use the image over and over again.SHADE THROWING: 🍸🍸🍸🍸 (4/5)
Kenya was nominated at the 2023 Bravo Awards for Greatest Shade Thrower, and it was well-deserved. When it comes to quick quips, confessional roasts and perfectly timed reactions, the RHOA women reign supreme.ACTIVITIES THAT MAKE US FEEL POOR: 🍸🍸🍸 (3/5)
With their trip to Portugal and Sheree’s lavish party for her “glam-baby,” RHOA offers an escape to a place nearly as glamorous as Marlo’s Le’Archive.HUSBANDS/WIVES: 🍸🍸 (2/5)
Between Ralph’s tomfoolery and Sheree just now finding out about her ex-husband’s adult daughter, we don’t love the men in this franchise. But we do like Todd more than Kandi’s mom, and Aaron seems fine enough.YAP-ABILITY: 🍸🍸🍸 (3/5)
Martell’s shady past and the Kandi/Drew/Courtney drama did have us yapping at the water cooler for much of the season.THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF DUBAI (Season 1)
CAST: Nina Ali (not pictured), Sara Al Madani, Chanel Ayan, Caroline Brooks, Lesa Milan and Caroline Stanbury
FASHION: 🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸 (5/5)
Chanel. Ayan. Need we say more?MEME-ABILITY: 🍸🍸🍸 (3/5)
Once again, Ayan is carrying the team on her back!SHADE THROWING: 🍸🍸🍸 (3/5)
Stanbury and Ayan are both icons in this department.ACTIVITIES THAT MAKE US FEEL POOR: 🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸 (5/5)
Stanbury’s desert engagement party felt like an intimate Burning Man festival. And we have so many questions watching their lavish desert shenanigans, mainly: How do they know their way out of the MIDDLE of the desert? Something only the wealthy know.HUSBANDS/WIVES: 🍸 (1/5)
Significant others are not an integral part to this particular offshoot, so one martini is fair!YAP-ABILITY: 🍸🍸 (2/5)
The buzz around Dubai is just beginning to pick up now that the long-awaited Season 2 is finally airing on Tuesdays on Bravo. Before then, we weren’t yapping so much, simply out of fear that our audience wouldn’t be in the know!THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF POTOMAC (Season 8)
CAST: Wendy Osefo, Mia Thornton, Candiace Dillard, Karen Huger, Gizelle Bryant, Ashley Boalch Darby and Nneka Ihim
FASHION: 🍸🍸🍸 (3/5)
Candiace’s confessional looks are some of the best we’ve seen — the leopard bustier with the black satin gloves? Stunning! Ashley and Gizelle’s athleisure line — described as “lululemon meets Rihanna’s Savage” — however, left us reasonably unimpressed.MEME-ABILITY: 🍸🍸🍸 (3/5)
This season didn’t deliver Robyn’s infamous speaker, nor the composite sketch of Juan’s alleged mistress. We give it a solid three martinis for Karen’s expressive reactions to the spillage of even the smallest tea at any given time.SHADE THROWING: 🍸🍸🍸 (3/5)
Normally, Candiace’s little quips would earn five martinis, easily. But in Season 8, she took things a step too far with Deborah.ACTIVITIES THAT MAKE US FEEL POOR: 🍸🍸🍸🍸 (4/5)
Candiace delivered a stunning Mother’s Day party, and we witnessed the coronation of a new Grande Dame of Potomac! Four martinis!HUSBANDS/WIVES: 🍸 (1/5)
We are so glad every time Juan Dixon is not here right now! We did not appreciate the way he spoke to Robyn over the phone in Episode 7, telling her she’s feeding into conflict by expressing her emotions. For a man that hardly wants to show up in the series, his negativity loomed large. Thank god Happy Eddie was around to lighten the mood!YAP-ABILITY: 🍸🍸🍸🍸 (4/5)
We are always laughing and yapping about Karen and Candiace. It doesn’t matter what those two are getting into — they are stars!THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY (Season 13)
CAST: Rachel Fuda, Margaret Josephs, Melissa Gorga, Dolores Catania, Teresa Giudice, Jennifer Aydin and Danielle Cabral
FASHION: 🍸🍸🍸🍸 (4/5)
It’s so bad, it’s good! Everyone’s Season 13 finale outfit was giving mob wife, and we especially loved Dolores’ fake Birkin. And the velour set worn during her explosive confrontation at Margaret’s earlier in the finale? Belongs in a museum.MEME-ABILITY: 🍸🍸🍸🍸 (4/5)
The entire last episode was giving gothic telenovela from its setting, the infamous Rails steakhouse, to Jackie’s sinister, backwards slither. And Margaret’s iconic “You subpoenaed the wrong bitch” deserves to live on forever.SHADE THROWING: 🍸 (1/5)
The RHONJ women are simply too immature to excel at the art of throwing shade. Teresa making fun of Margaret for being married to a plumber and Jennifer telling Danielle her husband has “man boobs” is messy in the worst ways. To the RHONJ women, we say: Go to sleep! Go to sleep!ACTIVITIES THAT MAKE US FEEL POOR: 🍸🍸 (2/5)
Most activities performed by the Jersey women makes us feel alien, not poor. From Emsculpt, which “is like doing 50,000 squats,” according to Teresa, to Danielle’s Boujie Kids party and Melissa’s Envy fashion show, we’re suffering from whiplash after the confusing Season 13 activities and themed parties.HUSBANDS/WIVES: 🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸 (5/5)
Do we want to be married to any of the House Husbands on RHONJ? No. (Well, maybe Joe Begnino is an exception.) But do we love their overall vibe? Yes! Give us more antics from Joe Gorga and tears from Frank Catania. (Editor’s note: Louie is not recognized as a House Husband by this institution; otherwise, the rating would be much, much lower.)YAP-ABILITY: 🍸🍸🍸🍸 (4/5)
It’s easy to get caught up in the Season 13 drama because it’s so bizarre. Who is digging dirt on Louie? What did Louie hire Bo Dietl to do? When is Paulie going to propose to Dolores? And why, over the course of Season 13, have we slowly become attracted to John Fuda?!THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF MIAMI (Season 6)
CAST: Nicole Martin, Guerdy Abraira, Lisa Hochstein, Julia Lemigova, Alexia Nepal and Larsa Pippen
FASHION: 🍸🍸🍸 (3/5)
The women of Miami are pretty middle-of-the-road when it comes to fashion. No one is so chic that we break our necks, and no one is so tacky that it’s actually kind of chic. So we award them a solid three martinis for their colorful beachwear, and, of course, Marysol’s dramatic confessional looks.MEME-ABILITY: 🍸🍸🍸 (3/5)
The internet had a field day with Larsa’s reaction to Guerdy’s cancer diagnosis. As sad and dark as the moment actually was, fans of the series put Larsa in her place by mocking her lack of compassion online. The power of a meme!SHADE THROWING: 🍸🍸🍸 (3/5)
Marysol isn’t even a full-time Housewife, yet she delivers some of the most memorable and shady lines in her confessionals.ACTIVITIES THAT MAKE US FEEL POOR: 🍸🍸🍸🍸 (4/5)
A short list of the things in Season 6 that made us feel poor: Ariana’s ketamine therapy session, Nicole’s house, Julia’s opera party, Marysol’s medium intervention and Lisa’s son revealing more life savings in his Toys “R” Us safe than we’ve ever had in our actual bank accounts.HUSBANDS/WIVES: 🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸 (5/5)
Give us more Russell and Martina. That is all.YAP-ABILITY: 🍸🍸🍸🍸 (4/5)
We couldn’t stop yapping about Larsa’s narcissism this season, nor could we stop celebrating Russell and Guerdy. We also loved watching the women support Guerdy through her treatment, and often praised Nicole for her dedication to her friend. When it comes to Miami, the yapping often stems from a place of love!THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF SALT LAKE CITY (Season 4)
CAST: Monica Garcia, Meredith Marks, Heather Gay, Lisa Barlow, Whitney Rose and Angie Katsanevas
FASHION: 🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸 (5/5)
Don’t tell me Angie’s statement sunglasses didn’t have you riveted all season long. And would the finale have been what it was without the women’s beachwear blowing dramatically in the wind?MEME-ABILITY: 🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸 (5/5)
The Renaissance painting that was “Four Women on a Beach” has been circulated on an unprecedented scale. But don’t be fooled, there were plenty of other meme-able moments in Season 4: Mary fleeing to the bus to eat McDonalds in peace with producers, Meredith begging a waiter to banish Angie from a restaurant, and the rumors and nastiness, of course!SHADE THROWING: 🍸🍸🍸 (3/5)
Even the best franchises have their weaknesses, and the Salt Lake ladies aren’t fully gifted when it comes to this kind of gab. They did, however, still deliver memorable lines — “Receipts. Proof. Timeline. Screenshots. Everything!” and “You want me to talk about her husband?” — but shade? Not quite.ACTIVITIES THAT MAKE US FEEL POOR: 🍸🍸🍸 (3/5)
The Salt Lake women are more down-to-earth than some of their counterparts. Besides Whitney Rose’s sound bath, their Season 4 activities involved skiing, thrifting and hosting holiday soirees. We didn’t feel too poor — which, surprisingly, we sort of liked?HUSBANDS/WIVES: 🍸🍸🍸🍸 (4/5)
The husbands of Salt Lake deserve a solid four martinis because they know their place. We get an occasional appearance from Seth or John, but the men never overstep.YAP-ABILITY: 🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸 (5/5)
We are here to issue a public apology to all who fell victim to the CONSTANT yapping about the Season 4 finale. It. Just. Never. Ended. Reality Von Tease? The rumors and nastiness? We’re still not over it, and will continue to bring it up any chance we can!And that’s all the yapping for today! Don’t be all, like, uncool and let our rankings get lost in your internet search history — bookmark this page to stay in the loop as we update our Housewives power rankings as more seasons come and go. Then, hit the comments to let us know your favorite series in the Real Housewives franchise — and don’t be afraid to mention it all!
